Elon Musk took his success away from Tesla, now he wants to take Tesla to his grave

Elon Musk’s “Boring Company” on Wednesday went from white elephant to blockbuster — quickly! — all because of his conduct during the much-anticipated first-ever New York Stock Exchange trading of Tesla stock. The beleaguered business mogul conducted a long phone interview with Fox Business Network in which he offered his now-famously idiotic thoughts on artificial intelligence, as well as the long-awaited underground Boring Company tunnel with no trains.

“I’ve got that extra 10% where I can raise money if I was taking my company private,” he said. “It’s a shame because I’m not going to have any distractions.”

Next, he said that “my friends have told me I’m like a child with a growth spurt.” To which I say: Cool! Don’t keep an ounce of mind on the fact that you’re only the world’s richest man when you’re compared to eight other people, four of whom are dead.

Huffington Post’s Phillip Bump provided a good summary of his interview, which included this gem: “Speaking of growth spurt, I think that Tesla is growing 50,000 to 100,000 per year and for the past three years this has been unheard of for technology companies. I think that was madness. I think that is insane.” “Is this a dowsing expedition?” I immediately thought as I read the above quote.

Then again, I once fell down a mine shaft, so who am I to tell.

Musk also sought to bring attention to the looming energy crisis in which a growing number of people are set to “spend their entire lives in traffic.” Without using a single sentence of actual text (though I suspect someone did), Musk said that people will become “operating energy producers,” creating power all by themselves. “What we’re going to be seeing is a world without fossil fuels because for the first time mankind has the ability to completely eliminate them through quantum engineering.”

Really? Did Musk just say that a “world without fossil fuels” sounds crazy? Does it sound like reality?

I don’t have a lot of money, but I wish Elon Musk would invest some of it in a company that actually makes cars, because the Boring Company probably would do great work if it did. We should also thank the Boring Company for at least giving money away in the form of a Periscope challenge for the public to have the opportunity to solve various world problems by using a Tesla. As Bump points out, this could help Musk address the aforementioned existential threat to human existence from the notion that humanity is an entirely different species, with no fixed boundaries. (“With bone-dry mind, we can enter theoretical bodies that morph into rain forests, or even grottos.”) Let me put it another way: Someone once said, “I’m going to take my leave of this planet.” That’s just not a direction worth investing your time and money in.

Also in a white polyester long-sleeve shirt

This article has been updated with additional comments.

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