Lately, I’ve been thinking about not going home for Christmas.
There are some reasons to do it. I want to be alone. I’ve been dating someone who I’m very attracted to, and when I go home to San Francisco he is so out of my league — she’s much cooler, cooler, cooler. He lives in the Bay Area, and I do not want to leave my city, or allow him to come here when I am visiting. Because it’s important to be alone. The same with my parents. I’m close with them, but they are the opposite of what I’m after. And finally, I just don’t want to be pregnant. I am not. I don’t want the hassle, the expense.
At least so far. I don’t know if I will go through with it after this year. But it’s been a while since I have had a family; every holiday season has been about planning my own holiday, I’m just way too old for this stuff, I’m so used to being the only one in the family. I am willing to endure the chaos, the chaos. Who cares about the tree with all of those people, when you’re single? It’s all about what you can do and what you can’t do. It has always been like that. If I were single in a huge city, like New York or Paris, I could easily take all of them.
I’ve only ever spent Christmas in the Bay Area once, with my friends. That was four years ago. I’m hoping to not have the same thing happen again. Please help.
Ellie West has written three books on family dynamics, and is a Los Angeles-based filmmaker. Ask Ellie is her blog, which she started in 2014 to address feelings of alienation and isolation as a young woman.